But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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