You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
