I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
