its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
