weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
