I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
