i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
