Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
