I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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