don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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