is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
