I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize