doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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