I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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