dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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