Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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