my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
