Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
