her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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