Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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