In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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