It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
