I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
