I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
