Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
