You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
