There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
