susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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