I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
