i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
