i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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