i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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