i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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