also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
this is an emotional support booty call
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
