I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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