Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am midnight drunk by noon
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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