so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
