He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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