you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
