i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
