I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
