Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
