Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
