Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
