My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
