Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
grandma shit on top of the toilet
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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