she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
