After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You took a bar mat shot.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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