I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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