You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
