So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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