just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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