I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
