Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do herpes really smell.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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