Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
