put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
