Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
