Nicole vs. Life
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so much tequila, so little girl.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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