I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
