Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
