Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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