she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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