He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
