My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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