Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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