I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
