she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize