I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
this is an emotional support booty call
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