i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
