Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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