If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
